Flightless bird

Its been so long. There’s really no excuses. Aside from an insanely busy winter season at work and SO much stuff going on.

Its a new year and so many strange, exciting things have already happened. I think this will be a year full of things that I’ve never imagined. I sometimes find myself “not being surprised“. I want to change that. I want to expect joy out of every little thing that happens. I want to experience the unexpected. I want to stop feeling removed.

I think what brought this around was a bit of news I got on Friday. After nearly two years of struggling, I received a formal diagnosis of Systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia. It was a relief, I must admit. It’s been a long go and I was getting pretty frustrated.  I’m tired of being a ping-pong ball lost in our medical system, whacked around from doctor to doctor. Relief was a big emotion. I waltzed out of my new specialists office feeling pretty great. I figured that now everything would sort itself out and I would be treated quickly and go back to living a somewhat normal life.

WRONG.

Reality hit me hard. My new medication is terrible, at least so far. I’m absolutely exhausted, I’m an emotional wreck. I’ve snapped at family members, been a grump to my friends, walked around in a daze. I’ve been in a fog since Saturday. I’ve had a few gorgeous moments of clarity, but mostly I’ve been pretty out of it. I feel like I had all the expectations. All these dreams. And I look at the prognosis the doctor gave me and all I see is the rest of my life planned out around medications and tests and operations. I see it all laid out so clinically and I don’t have the energy to face it. I don’t want to even try. I’ve had my wings clipped, brutally.

I feel lost.

But I am not that person. I don’t want to be, anyways. I want to be the kind of person that fights back. And fights so hard.

So when the opportunity came up to do a photo shoot with Lena-marie Pawluck of Little Inspirations Photography, I took it! In a quick aside, Lena is fabulous. She made me look like an absolute goddess and I cannot recommend her enough. So talented. (Thanks Lena!)

Anyways, I was really struggling to work up the energy for the photo shoot. To work up the emotion. And I had to actually, literally stare myself down in the mirror and promise myself I wouldn’t give up. Photo shoots are something that have always brought me so much joy and fun and I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, let my disease take this away from me.

Here’s what happened that day.

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Who is that girl!? She’s not some sick weakling with no ambition. She’s a fighter. I am a fighter. My mom told me so and I believe her. I will fight and I will thrive because surviving isn’t good enough for me. I thought it could be but now I can see that it’s not.

I might be a flightless bird now but not for long. I know each day will be easier and I’ll stop feeling like everything is insurmountable. I am not my disease. It does not define me. It does not control me.

At least, not anymore.

Love,
Savvy.

Lesson Learned.

Hello everyone.

I’m sorry for my absence on the blog lately, I’ve unfortunately been quite sick. As adorable as sweatpants and baggy t-shirts are, they aren’t exactly “Outfit of the Day” Material.

I always struggle with how much of my personal life I want to share here. But lately I’ve been struck by the same thoughts, over and over again. And I figured they would be a good jump off for today’s post.

When I discussed having an autoimmune disease with my doctor, she told me that I would often experience a feeling of isolation. That I was alone, that no one could understand how I was feeling. I find that to be true, quite often. I was talking with someone very dear to me about that feeling, that isolation. We talked about how we often shared the struggle of facing the outside world after being locked away.

I can be standoffish. I can be grumpy and bad-tempered. Especially when I’m struggling with active sickness.

But what I’ve learned recently is that the people who really, truly love you will never punish you for being a grump. I feel like I was reminded of that this past weekend. There’s a couple of people out there, you know who you are, that really showed me what true love is. That no matter what, they’ll always be there. They’ll always check in on you, make sure you’re okay. They’ll hold you close when you need to be held. And they’ll let you go, when you truly need to go.

I’ve been so incredibly lucky to be loved. To have met the people I’ve met, to have loved the people I love.

So when I woke up DREADING the start of the week today, I thought about the people who love me. I thought about the people out there that are cheering for me, on my side. And I decided to rock a power outfit. Show myself a little of that love.

You know your false lashes are big enough when they cast shadows on your cheeks. 

Today’s outfit is brought to you by the color black! Again! I know. So predictable. I am feeling appropriately fierce though. My body suit is from American Apparel. My skirt and Lita Boots are from Urban Planet and my thigh high socks are from Winners. I’m pretty sure I could take on just about anything in this outfit.

What I love a lot about this outfit is, even though its all black, I mixed a lot of texture. Suede boots, cable knit sweater and socks. Sheer skirt. It all layered together really nicely and I feel comfortable. I feel lovely.

The whole basis for rocking a power outfit today was to channel all the love I’ve received lately and put forth a positive attitude. I’m so thankful for the ones out there who truly love me. They’re the reason I am who I am today.

For the babe out there who’s feeling a bit isolated, on her own, look around you. There are people who love you. And when you’ve got good love on your side, you can’t be beat. No matter what.

Forever in black,

S.

Shake It Off!

I struggled with how to approach my outfit of the day post today.

I’m stuck wearing a holter monitor for a couple of days. For those of you that don’t know what it looks like. Here it is.

It is a miserable piece of equipment and I hate it. But I’m saddled with it for now and that’s okay.

When I was deciding to choose what to wear today, I had two schools of thought. At first I was thinking “How can I possibly hide this monstrosity?” and that would’ve been okay. And then I started thinking “No! This is a part of who I am for a couple days, I’m going to rock it!”

But that didn’t quite fit either.

And so today when I was getting ready, I finally just said Screw It. This will not dictate who I am, or what I wear. I’ll wear whatever I want, without thinking of the monitors presence.

So I wore this!

My leggings are from Forever 21, my sweater and jacket are from Winners. I’m wearing lashes, the tutorial will come, I promise.

And here it is. The fashion accessory of the year. Heart monitors.

You know. The whole reason I went ahead and posted today was because I wanted to show that you don’t have to let things stop you from being who you want to be.

I know that there are SO many people out there, struggling every day, with things that they feel stop them from looking the way the want to look. Or even acting the way they want to act. And I was there because I let myself get consumed with how to approach my workday with electrodes stuck to my chest.

But I can see now that you don’t have to let what’s stuck to your chest, take over your life. And you don’t have to let the things that are stuck to your heart, your mind and soul, take over and decide who you’re going to be. Shake off the things that you feel ruin you, physically or emotionally, and rock whatever you want to.

To the babe out there with something stuck on her heart that is holding her back, shake it off!! You’ll never be younger then you are today. You’ll never have another chance at today. Embrace every second. Youth and beauty are fleeting. But if you can keep shaking off the hard things and face each day with a smile, that day will be beautiful.

Love, S.

Can’t Fail.

My outfit of the day post today hasn’t come easy.

Well the clothes part did because I love clothes.

And today I went for adorably fierce.

My cardigan is from Forever 21. My black sheer, collared blouse is from Fiction and my leather leggings are from Winners. For my face I used Jane Iredale Amazing base in Bisque, the Made You Flush face palette from Quo and two pairs of Ardell false lashes. I can’t help myself when it comes to lashes.

And its the lashes that brought this all together.

I woke up with a lot of chest pain and numbness in my left shoulder and arm this morning. Though lately that’s been par for the course, I was upset and frustrated with my body. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and hide from the world. Pretend it wasn’t out there waiting for me.

But then my mom came over and crawled in bed with me and started scratching my back. And it made me think about a conversation that we’d had about not letting the pain beat you. For those of you that don’t know my mom, she’s the coolest. Though this morning I had to make her promise not to make fun of me for two weeks because I needed a little break. I come from a long line of women that love black comedy.

Anyways, we had been talking about things and I was getting so bummed out and she stopped me and said “It’s a mental game. One you’re going to play with yourself everyday. You might not always win. And when you don’t, you take a little break and then you face it again

So this morning, after our coffee, I was standing in my bedroom thinking about getting ready and my eyes landed on those lashes. And I did something I almost never do and I put my lashes on first. Nothing else, just lashes. And instead of feeling downtrodden and sick and beaten by the hand I’ve been dealt, I felt fabulous. And I put on my outfit with the air of someone going to war.

There’s going to be days when all you want to do is hide. Let the world beat you for once. But there’s always going to be something, someone that reminds you that it’s not as bad as you think it is. That, while wearing your metaphorical double pair of lashes, you can face anything.

To all the babes out there struggling with something they feel like they can’t beat, it’s okay. It’s okay to hide away for a little bit. But sooner or later, you’re going to have to throw back the covers and climb out of your hiding spot. Find something that gives you the strength to face every day with a gorgeous smile. I promise it’ll be worth it.

Cognitive Dissonance. Or How I Learned To Love The Poncho.

Part of what makes living in the Comox Valley so perfect is the surroundings.

 
Fall is heaven. The golds and reds on the trees right now are stunning and I absolutely adore an autumn storm. There’s just something about the wild wind and rain that gives me a fierce, aching joy.

 

I based my outfit today mostly on the fact that it’s really stormy. But I also wanted to touch on my feelings about ponchos. I have this… reluctance to accept the poncho. I see it as something tasseled and hideous in my mind, even though I know it’s grown and evolved to stylish new heights.

The way I try and view fashion is – “if you’re not out of your comfort zone, you’re not going anywhere.”

I used to be a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I didn’t wear heels because I was self conscious of my height. I never pushed myself out of what was comfortable and safe. But as I started getting to know who I was, I started feeling stifled by my own appearance. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and into a place where I was unsure but I was also excited and challenged.

Which brings me back to the poncho.

 

I didn’t think I could rock it. I would try one on, talk myself out of getting it.

“It looks silly, you’ll never wear it”

Well guess what, Self. I’m wearing a poncho today. And I’m killing it.

 

Ahhhh the poncho. I’m feeling it. I’m wearing leather leggings with it. And camel colored suede booties. I like the contrast of wearing different textures. It gives a lot of visual interest to any outfit.

The rest is easy. I curled my hair with a flat iron and tucked it up in a clip. Simple and effective. I used Jane Iredale mineral makeup for a soft, matte face, dusty rose blush and serious false lashes. I am a slave for false lashes. Tie in the dark plum nail polish and I am fully fall ready.

The joke today is on me. I keep trying to convince myself that I can’t do things. I can’t wear leather pants, I can’t rock a poncho. I’m too tall for heels. And then I actually force myself to wear those things and all of a sudden I’m superwoman! I can wear all the clothes! Paint all the nails! Do all the things!

To the babe who thinks she can’t, you can. I promise. It’s worth it to at least try. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

Love, S. 

All Black E’rything (Almost)

As the honor of making the first “Outfit of the Day” post falls to me, I’m begging for a little patience. I feel as if I’m going to be awkward.

The problem I have with getting dressed everyday is I never know what the weather’s going to be. Living on the west coast, you get a lot of weather changes. Is it going to rain, or maybe it’ll be really foggy. What if, god forbid, the sun comes out?! Then what?

I work in a salon, where I’m allowed a lot of freedom to dress the way I want (read: all the black I want), as long as its professional . For today, I really wanted to wear a pair of shoes that I LOVE. So I based my entire outfit on that.

I have so many favorite parts to this outfit. The shoes, obviously. But the dress is also new and one of my favorites. I paired it with a coral blazer to break up the all black for once. Its brighter then I would normally wear for mid-fall but I was feeling a little fun today. The best part about this whole outfit? I spent more on my lip stain then I did on any of the other items. I’m also not sure if I’m proud of that or ashamed.

But I guess that’s the fun of personal style. I love high fashion, love runway fashion. But I’m also from a small town, and I’m a student. I know my shopping limits and I try to stay within them. It doesn’t mean I have to be unfashionable!

And I had to rock the topknot today. I find it versatile and fun, but still businesslike. I spend a lot of time moving and talking during the day and I don’t love having my hair in my face.

And I matched my nail polish.

Don’t get used to it.

The best part of this day was spending time with Rudi and Billie. Who’s Billie? I’m so glad you asked.

Billie is Rudi’s Boston Terrier. She’s the funniest, sweetest dog ever. And she’s also a little bitch. We were mad at each other last night so I think she was making up to me by being so cuddly and lovely today. The whole point of what we’re trying to do here I think is spend some time together. Our blog is about fashion and hair and makeup, for sure. But at the core its about having something that we share, that we can take a few minutes from our separate, and busy, lives to laugh about.

And laugh we did. One day we’ll share the outtakes from this little photo shoot.

Love, S.